long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
