He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
