I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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