I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
