he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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