I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
