I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
