I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
