my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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