i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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