tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
