whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
