I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
