Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
