Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
