I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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