new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
