i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
