True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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