She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there's paper in my vomit.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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