Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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