A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
