I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
