Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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