just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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