birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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