3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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