Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
