Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
