They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
