Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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