Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
