Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
