better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
