Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
