so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
