I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
