i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
