Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
