When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
