I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
