But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
