There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
