I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
