i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
