Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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