i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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