proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
