It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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