Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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