i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
