Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
