Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
