someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
