So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
