Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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