Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
