mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
