Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
