Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
